Stuff I Miss 5 Months In

[-] driving
[-] cheap hair ties
[-] cheap Crest tooth paste
[-] Express
[-] Chipotle
[-] Nordstrom Rack
[-] Whole Foods & cheap[er] fresh fruits & vegetables
[-] "bless you"
[-] humble pastors
[-] having a shower stall
[-] the ability to speak one language well

Considering the list doesn't contain too many critical life-sustaining things, I'd say I'm adjusting pretty well.

This month:

• I will cling to God. 
• I will love me. 
• I will better appreciate the people who love me. 
• I will stop chasing after shadows of people and things, yet I will strive to love people for who they are. 
• I will make September unforgettable. 
• ...and I'm throwing the Korean girl attempt out the window. 

Go!

EGW in Letters to Young Lovers

You are now in your student’s life; let your mind dwell upon spiritual subjects. Keep all sentimentalism apart from your life. You are now in the formative period of character; nothing with you is to be considered trivial or unimportant which will detract from your highest, holiest interest, your efficiency in the preparation to do the work God has assigned you. – {LYL 76.5}
It is your duty to remove every objectionable feature of character that you may be complete in Christ Jesus. You have a large fund of affection and will need to be constantly guarded lest you bestow your affection upon unworthy objects. Character is formed for usefulness and duty by studying the life and character of Jesus Christ, who is our Pattern. – {LYL 76.6}
You cannot be too careful and too particular in all your ways. Let the influence wherever you are be of that character to help and bless others. God has a work for you to do. In no case put your neck under a yoke that will be galling all your life. Be true to yourself and true to your God, and you will have the favor of God, which is of more value than life itself. I pray the Lord to bless you abundantly. – {LYL 77.1}

Midterm Evaluation

Some things don't change despite a trip across the waters...

It's been a good crash course in living in Korea 101 for the last two months. Now to take a breather and continue on to part 2 of living in Korea for the rest of this year where I get to turn to cultivating me.

Goals:

• Read a book a week
• Pass HSK Level 4 for Chinese on December test date = 30 characters every weekday 
• Do my best to prepare for tutoring sessions
• Travel somewhere new outside of Seoul at least once a month 
• Hike a different mountain every 2 weekends 
• Set time apart daily to read the paper news in Korean & English 
• Don't skimp on PT appointments

my dynamic korea days

4:45am wake up

5:53am catch bus

6:40am morning vespers with teachers

7:00am teach class, return to seoul national campus

9:00am korean class, bfast + lunch somewhere during breaks

1:00pm korean history class

5:00pm korean citizenship issues, application preparation, passport issues. errday. EVERY DAY

8:00pm tutor

11:00pm return home

Repeat. 

Korea calls it living dynamic, I call it living with my head cut off. I don't know how I survived this summer, but it's been an absolutely fantabulous time that's winding down its summer days~

How do you get together such a fun and loving group of individuals? It was completely worth losing my voice over and dragging my overpacked suitcase to 회기 every other day haha~

Trying to keep up with a crazy schedule though, made me devote less time to prayer and devotions and I made so many mistakes thinking it was for the best for myself and the people around me. So much more wisdom needed~ so crazy much. But I've been blessed to finally, FINALLY see what seems like my citizenship issues winding down. Whaaat a week~

And so as I begin part II of this summer, midst trying to juggle family, classes, teaching, translation, and grad school applications- I pray that even in the process of trying to put my desires second, I'll be able to do it in a Christ-like manner. Then hopefully when/if I come out alive by end of August, all of this craziness would have been worth it, and I can jet to the millions of places I want to visit :)

Jon Foreman's been on repeat all week:

So why do I worry?

Why do I freak out?

God knows what I need 

You know what I need

Two things you told me

That you are strong

and you love me

Yes, you love me

Your love is strong

Our plans are not always God’s plans. He may see that it is best for us and for His cause to refuse our very best intentions, as He did in the case of David. But of one thing we may be assured, He will bless and use in the advancement of His cause those who sincerely devote themselves and all they have to His glory. If He sees it best not to grant their desires He will counterbalance the refusal by giving them tokens of His love and entrusting to them another service. – {HDL 12.1} In His loving care and interest for us, often He who understands us better than we understand ourselves refuses to permit us selfishly to seek the gratification of our own ambition. He does not permit us to pass by the homely but sacred duties that lie next us. Often these duties afford the very training essential to prepare us for a higher work. Often our plans fail that God’s plans for us may succeed. – {HDL 12.2}

"너는 기도하는 할머니의 손녀라는 사실을 잊지 말아라."

Don't forget that you are a granddaughter of a praying grandmother. 

祝福

I found myself beginning my second morning in 고시촌 at Dunkin Donuts again. I was nervous for having left the room 10 minutes later than planned, but it was still an hour (probably more), before classes would start. Still fidgety on the inside wondering how packed the bus would be and if it would stop at all the stops it made us believe to stop at and if my welcoming American exterior towards strangers would get me taken advantage of today...

Along with my blueberry bagel, the girl at the counter handed me a free cup of coffee saying she had made too much today. Anddd all the lecturing my relatives had given me from the moment I landed about accepting things from strangers in Korea flew out the window.

My time in Korea so far has basically been characterized by instances like that where in moments of despair or loneliness, God's introduced people into my life to let me know that He's still with me, understanding that I needed an extra boost. A halmoni struggling past me on the subway when I was at my wit's ends about public transportation here, being introduced to an unni in the history program that was accepted with the same profile as me when I was stressing about my future, or a text message from a friend at just the right moment..the list really keeps going on. I don't know if it's reflective of how weak I am in new surroundings for God to provide for me in quite nearly every situation I've been in, but God has been good.

And I swear I've only been drinking free coffee. It's pretty much the last dietary taboo I want to break before I'm completely ostracized from Korean society heh;;

Post-Grad Ruminations

I'm still racking my brain trying to figure out how to situate this blog into my life.

Sure, I'm moving to another country-at least tentatively- that certainly qualifies anyone to keep a blog. I want to keep my loved ones and the people I believe to care about me at a level above their pets involved in my life. But the last straw came when after reading countless "how to get into grad school", "how to survive in grad school", "what you didn't know about grad school", "how to know if you belong to in grad school" articles and being told I need to keep a blog- then meeting with my favorite professor and being told: "you have beautiful writing, but I wish you were more aggressive in pursuing your arguments and less careful about how correct your argument is".

Anddd that basically sealed it.

It's surreal how the lack of any fundamental effects an individual's life. It doesn't simply proceed to screw up whatever area the fundamental is necessary for, but it seeps into everything you do. It's just a matter of time as you hopefully increase your level of self-awareness. It hit me that the extra-caution I approach life with, something I've always suspected somewhere in the back of my head to be a sign of low self-confidence, was showing up in my writing. Possibly not as relevant to many, but distressing for someone who plans on doing nothing but analyzing others' writings and having other people analyze mine for the rest of her life.

Brings a whole new understanding to "I will give you life", no? When you realize there are certain fundamentals that is impossible in your human nature to overcome- it's the prime time for the Sprit to do His work. So as much as I churn in my stomach in envy for the natural genius abilities some of my peers possess that will lengthen their life span from the extra hours they sleep at night away from the library, it is in these moments of divine insight I am genuinely thankful for the weaknesses I possess that helps me kneel.

We still come roundabout to the question of where this blog belongs. I will limit the amount of quotes to post. Not that I still don't adore quotes and the writers who ingeniously pack so much insight into a few phrases- but because part of it was just a cop out to not materialize into words my feelings towards those quotes. More words=more room for critique=increased vulnerability, yknow? Same goes for pictures: it was a thousand words I thought someone else was better off writing.

Maybe this will just be a short-lived Korea travel blog that will last until the novelty of traveling wears off after realizing I'm in Korea for the long haul. Traveling's a convenient subject lodged in a convenient spot that straddles the public/private divide well. It's a vastly personal experience as you travel through public spaces, which allows you to be motivated to write about the experience while feeling comfortable that it is a subject that many will relate to.

So I still don't know what this blog will become, but that's okay. A professor told me historians are the worst at conclusions anyway.

John Piper

God created us to live with a single passion: to joyfully display His supreme excellence in all spheres of life. The wasted life is the life without this passion. God calls us to pray and think and dream and plan and work, not to be made much of, but to make much of Him in every part of our lives. 

in Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper

"The human vice is the urge to teach others"
-Mencius as quoted in Peony Pavilion 

Achievement consists of never giving up.
-Xunzi